i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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