tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
