worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we made out on top of his cat.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
