Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
