I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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