I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
