Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
