Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
