Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
