There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
