I want to walk on stilts...naked
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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