I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
