College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
