Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
