Jerry, you need to find god
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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