dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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