watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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