As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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