She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
