I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
