are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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