I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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