i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
