I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
