So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We are two peas in an std pod
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My life is pants optional.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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