Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
