First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
