come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
