idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
