i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
