I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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