He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
