i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
