You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
