i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I would fuck him just for his dog
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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