Jerry, you need to find god
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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