woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
