easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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