just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
there was a trapeze. enough said
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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