Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
