Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
