i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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