How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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