Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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