i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
