Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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