what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Did I show you my penis last night?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
