I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
