I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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