i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
