once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
