so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You ruined the universe
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
