there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
