dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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