Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
